home...
I walked away, without noticing how fast i was actually running.
Hurt blazed my eyes and the pain eventually made everything turn white.
but i pushed on, i pushed myself into this...

Home, the place i call home is not my home, it never was.
Home was an escape, something i fled to just so I could live through one more day.
Home was where i opened my eyes to a love that was once blind.
Home was where i learned of love, love that will forever burn, roaring with inextinguishable light.
Home was where i learned to open my heart, to experience an unquenchable thirst.
Home was where I felt like i belonged, for the first time in a long time, a spot i fit in perfectly.
Home was my family, blood did not matter... we loved each other just the same.

but now, it feels like this doesn't matter. I made it not matter.

life came flooding in, like the damn apocalypse.

Life made it hurt, it made it burn.
Life made me cry, until there was no more feeling inside.
Life made me weak, to the point that I turned away from my home.

Life made home just another place to hang.
Life made home blind.
Life made home routine.
Life made home cold, my heart froze.
My place at home just didnt fit.
Words made home broken.

I eventually ran away from home.


So now, im here i pushed myself to the bottom.
Knees bloody and fingers sore I have stopped digging, clawing further down.
Knees bloody and fingers sore, Im reaching and Im pulling.
And I wont stop until I get to the top.

If i could take everything back, I would.
Id beg on my knees until the sun refused to shine.
I would walk until my legs would break.
I would take back every hurtful word.
I would hold on and never let go.
I would shut up and listen.


My home matters this much, it matters enough to stop the act. But I cant take any of it back, the silly thing about life is that there are no 'take backs' or rewind buttons.
But the more I replay this past year, the more i learn... the more i see.

We stopped listening and began to assume that we had heard everything, that we had learned enough.
We stopped feeling.
WE LET OUR HOME FALL, RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES!
we stopped seeing the broken, and we became the broken.
The way we degrade each other, our family, makes us no better than the ones we are meant to save.
When will we shut up and listen?
We are all responsible, we all made choices.
whether they were right or wrong, I guess we will never know.

I miss home.
I miss seeing my favorite people when I walk in.
I miss just listening.
I miss being engulfed in love.
I miss knowing that I have a family...


What can I say?
We are human, God's most perfect imperfection.