In my life, Im blind. I dont see the warning signs nor do I abide by them. I act more on impulse than anything else. I always have to feel an extreme, anything else is just numbness. I have never really been a child, at least not in my eyes.

My life has been filled with obstacles, tears, trust issues and well... more tears. But that is my past and that is where it will stay. I have cut the anchor that was once tied to my foot and I have reached the surface. The oxygen that has filled my lungs is so refreshing. I am a happy girl with an unforgettable smile and I will mark my place in your life. I laugh at the stupid stuff and I am here to have fun, you wont forget me, and thats a promise!

I dont like authority, I dont really believe in it. You cant ever really have control over a person, they will not obey. Rules and guide lines are always breached. Like people say "rules were meant to be broken".

I have recently realized just how disgusted I am with our generation. The things that we do and how we act is absolutely revolting. Girls giving up their bodies for attention and to multiple people and the boys who cheer them on. Can you honestly have such little respect for yourselves? I am not the purist person, but I am no hypocrite, I honestly realize how empty that kind of behavior is. And all it does is cause pain and ultimately destruction.

I believe in one eternal love, and that is the love of God. I am probably the last person you would ask about stuff like that. But through all the times I pushed him away and the times I have lost myself in sin, he was always there. There is no greater feeling than that of knowing you are forgiven, that you have a new beginning. I had to reacquaint my knees to the carpet and let my tears soak the floor, to me that was the best apology I could give. Temptation is now harder than ever for me to fight, but I have been there and I have done that, the emptiness is the greatest pain I have ever felt. So Im done losing myself and Im done making excuses. This time its for real. I know exactly what I am capable of, and I wont settle for any less.

I Have been broken. I have been used. I have been unwanted. And I have hit rock bottom. Have you ever wanted to end it all? I can say that I have, and I almost did. My greatest mistake and my greatest lesson was that day. You dont realize what you have until you have lost it, or in my case almost lost it. It has taken me time, but now I know just how valuable life is. The most precious gift is the one you take most for granted.

My family is not the average family, but then again how many of those exist? All I know is that I cant have a better one. The love that surrounds me is amazing. The understanding catches me off guard. My family may be spread throughout the world but I know I can always call them home, it doesnt matter where I am. My best memories are with them.

My friends are well... amazing. They are all so different, but I can be the same person with all of them. They accept me as I am and love me the same. These people are the most intelligent and understanding people I know. They consist of some of the people I love most in this world. These people are more than capable of making a difference in this world. They each have a different life story, and have all individually taught me a life lesson.

I can be really funny. I think I am nocturnal. I like taking photos. My siblings are awesome. I love animals. I am nice, but I can be guarded. I like to meet new people, so talk to me... Im shy so I will more than likely not start the conversation... So yeah, just talk to me. Im pretty laid back. And I am all about having a good time.

Here is some advice when it comes to me:
Don't screw me over, or else we're done.
Don't tell me I'm too young, all it does is piss me off.
Don't tell me I cant do something, I will make you look like a fool.
Don't under-estimate me, I will surprise you.

Want to get on my good side?
Buy me a Monster.
Always be honest.
Give me hugs, I love them.
Talk to me.
Don't be fake.
And don't bring me your drama.


My life is going to be a pretty darn good one. And if you're not in it, its your loss. I am eccentric and one of a kind, I promise you will never find someone like me. I can be your lover or best friend, or I swear I can be your worst nightmare. Your pick.

church.example.change its long but I believe its worth it.

church was good, It kinda made me sad though.
I see all the stuff I wish would go away.
I want to kick myself every time. I honestly wonder if things would be this way if I would've stayed, or if they would be how it used to be, if it would be better. I was solid in my beliefs and my actions proved that. I was an example that I was proud of. Now, Im... working on it? No, I am working on it, Im struggling. It feels like Im in an ocean caught in the rip current, and no matter how hard I kick it doesnt help. Its like I see the shore and its covered with people, so why wont they help? I cant do this by myself, My guilt is the water that is filling my lungs, it cuts off all oxygen. As I sit floating in the sea, the shore gets no closer but neither does it drift away. I see all around me and Im not alone. And that scares me the most. Again the water fills my lungs. Their faces are permeated with blindness. Inside and out they're blind they're so saturated in this filth in this sin, its a dead end. At least I know that Im running on empty and I know I'll drown. They're so saturated they dont, they wont. I know they'll stay here until they drown. Seeing their heads slowly sink to the bottom, is my biggest fear. They are so intoxicated it scares me. These were the people who stood out, who made a difference, who were truly in love with him... they were the real deal.Together we would pave the path to a better future, to a life worth living. I feel like Im the one who made them this way, or at least let them get so lost.
I was solid.
I was filled with faith.
I was the person they'd come to.
I was the best friend.
I was the example.

Maybe if I would have stayed, if I wasnt so weak. Things wouldnt be so messed up right now. We could all be here, we could feel the love we once knew so well, we could be the examples we were meant to be.

Im sorry. I feel like the biggest failure. How can I make them see. Im tired of watching them drown. Im so scared that it will be too late. It makes me sick to know that they cant see him dancing, crying, pleading for them to come back. All he wants is them, how he thirsts for them. Why cant they see?

There is a difference between people who are lost and others who are ignorant.
You cant help, someone who doesnt want it.Ignorance is a choice. They use people for the attention, they arent serious. You cant lose something you never had. They make problems, they play damsel in distress always wanting someone to come save them. God has a plan for them. Its a long and hard lesson that he will teach them. These kinds of people feed off of the attention they are given and they will dramatize everything and anything to get it. They fake the most valuable relationship anyone could ever have, they put on a show. And I believe God's plan begins when people stop playing along. You have to know he will change them, it may take longer and it may break them.. but thats the point. You cant look up until you have hit rock bottom. And Im tired of people beating themselves up for not being able to help, or change them. Its not your place to, God knows when they're serious and thats when the lessons begin to take motion.
And then there is the lost. These people arent ignorant, they are blind. Gods love is concealed by worldly things to them. These are the people who need our help. These are the people who have once had or have once questioned God's love, if its real.. if its worth having. They just need to be shown that his love is attainable, that it can be rekindled. That there is never an expiration date. These are the people worth investing time in. They can be serious about this relationship. They can be the difference this world needs. They just need someone who cares, someone to be the example.

I find myself screaming in the middle of the night, crying as I watch them sink. I want to be the one that helps bring them the lifeline, that gives them back that breath if life. I want to witness their faces as they begin to see the light.