I learned life hurts. The tears, the loss, the heart break and the heart ache are all inevitable. But the happiness, the laughter, the love and the purpose of life cant exist without the stuff that hurts. The decisions I have made in my past have led me to where I am now, and the decisions I make now will pave my future.



Choice, life and state of being don't exist without a base. For a long time people where my base, and I could never understand why I would crumble. As I sit and watch the people around me, I see people using other people as a base, as a crutch. And I watch them all fall like dominoes. Whether people rely on other people, or rely on themselves they fall. People of faith fall, sometimes harder than others...
So this is my prayer. Every time we feel tempted, I pray we feel God's thick presence and that it will saturate. Every time we give in, I pray he will not let us forget. And every time we cant find peace, I pray we know that there is peace in knowing you are forgiven.

confusion.
I cant think, there are no words nor explanations.
?
thats all I see,a question mark.

Not mad, more like hurt.
Everything said, everything preached, everything that was once shoved down
my throat has been taken back on.

All the tears they made me cried, were literally for nothing.

The trust I once had, which has never been restored still hurts.
I felt like a rag thrown down on the floor.
Not acknowledged, not ignored more like completely forgotten....

I'm scared.
Life is short, and my fear is that I'm watching it go by.

Where do I start? When can I cry? Where do I go? How do I begin? Who do I trust? How does it end? When is it okay? When will it be over? How much longer do I have to hurt?

I'm scared, for the first time in my life I'm actually scared to the point that I cry. I'm scared that I wont be able to give myself completely. I'm scared that my heart has been stretched to the point that its tearing.

My heart can't, it wont. I'm tired of putting my heart into things that let me down. There is no point when you give, and give until you cant give anymore and you get absolutely nothing in return.

Im pretty sure that you have heard of me. And who I have been with, or what I have done.
Some people say I'm crazy. Some people say I'm shy.
but
I cant tell you that, if they think that... they so don't know me.
Im not crazy, just a little out there. Im not shy, just guarded.

My life is literally a roller coaster. I have ups and I have downs.
Sometimes I feel safe and sometimes I feel like I'm slipping through the safety restraints.
Sometimes it makes me sick and most of the time I feel like my insides are upside down, which to me feels likes complete bliss.
But in the end I'm proud that I had enough courage to get in the seat, enough trust in the safety restraints and enough confidence to do it again.



I have reacquainted myself with the love of Christ.
I have never felt something so real, something so compelling.
I dont know much, but I do know this... I will give everything I have and I will receive anything I can get.
I will learn from my mistakes, and help teach others from what I have learned.
I will thrive through the dry times, and celebrate during the saturated ones.
I will never lose this love. His love is the most valuable, forgiving and never ending love there is to have.
It never fades and he never takes it back. Its the one thing I will never give up on, its the one thing that has ever given me a purpose in life... it pushes me to strive for the person I know I can be.



Im an affectionate person. I like hugs and I love to cuddle. I'm good at listening, and I love to help people. I love talking to people, I want to know about them.. I want to know what they like, what they fear, what they want and what they need. I just love people.

Im just a huge mess trapped inside of a little person. I dont know what I want and I dont know what I need. Im not really good at judging whats good for me. Bad things always attract me. I have a track record of doing bad things more than once. Im more of an 'in the moment' kind of person. I do things before thinking about them. I have a problem with stating my opinion too much. Oh yes, I love to argue, I will do just to do it... even if I lose and I know Im wrong. I have a problem with authority, I dont do what I'm told unless I really want something.
I go INSANE for tattoos and piercings.



“I am glad that I paid so little attention to good advice; had I abided by it I might have been saved from some of my most valuable mistakes.” - Edna St. Vincent Millay