My Granfather was an incredible man, who lived a long happy life and has left us with beautiful memories. He was a part of many peoples lives and was loved by many.

My Grandpy was very special to me, because he taught me so much about life.

When my dad married my mom, Grandpy welcomed me into his family with open arms, he loved me as if i were his own, to him I was his darling girl. To me and my siblings he was our only Grandpa, and to me he was my one and only Grandpy. To me he was a great man and the best Grandfather anyone could ask for. He was my partner in crime, he would be the first one i called when I wanted to be picked up from school, knowing he would never say no. Anywhere I wanted to go he would take me in a heartbeat. He was not only a grandpa to me and my family but as well as to my friends, which he loved very much.

When i was going through the dark times in my life, he was always there to listen.

He always told me to do what makes me happy, and that all that mattered was my happiness and well being. He made me promise that no matter how hard things would get, I would ovecome it, that i would make him proud. He supported me in just about everything I did. When I was a hopeless wreck, he always kept his faith in me. I will miss him with all my heart. I will miss listening to those World War Two stories and waking up to the tv blaring downstairs and his crazy driving and his delicious chocolate cake, but most of all i will miss his hugs that made everything better.

My Grandpy wasnt a religious man, but he had faith. Faith in people and faith in God.

Because of him, my family has had the privledge to get to know some of the nicest people all of his friends are wonderul present he has left us. I wanted to say thank you to Melba for all her love and help during this painful time, you are truly a blessed gift we have gotten to know over the past years.

I am so blessed to say that he was my Grandpy and I know my life is so much better thanks to him. We will all miss him, but knowing my Grandpy he wouldnt want us to cry and mourn but rather celebrate his long and great lived life.

So here I am.
And I have realized, that I was wrong.
The things that I have done have led up to this moment.
The moment that I admit I was mistaken and ask for forgiveness.

In this moment I see my mistakes
and now I bare the shame that comes with them.
I never realized that though I was running from my troubles
I was also running from you.

The further I got, the less I could see your light.
The darker it got, the more I pushed forward.
The more I pushed forward, the more I got lost.

When I could no longer find my way, the material things of this world caught my attention.
The more I looked the more I wanted.
The more I wanted the more I got.
The more I got the more I needed.

Now that I see, what this has done.
I dont look, I dont want, I dont get and I dont need.
The reflection that stares at me, is not who I want to be.
My reflection that stares at me is not who I was meant to be.

Every touch I felt was empty.
Every bottle I drank made a bigger hole.
Everything that came in close proximity was toxic.

Now that I know how it feels to be free.
Now that I know how it feels to be unconcerned.
Now that I know how it feels to be wanted.
Now that I know how it feels to be filled.

I RUN TO YOU.

The freedom is like a cage.
The unconcern is pointless.
The wanting is hurtful.
The fullness is nausiating.

None of these things have meaning.
None of these things are worth having.
They cant exist without you.

The freedom has no boundry.
Therefore you find addictions, which have you caged.
The unconcern has no point when you dont care, and you have nothing to be concerned about.
The wanting hurts, because its empty, never fulfilling your need.
The fullness is nausiating because you are filled with useless junk, that eventually fades.

The only thing that makes these things worth having is your love.
Because of your love I dont have any addictions giving me freedom.
I am unconcerned about what people think, knowing that I have you.
I am wanted by you for all eternity.
I am fulfilled with something that will endure all eternity.

Now I know what it feels like to have these things, but the most important thing that I know
is that none of them are worth anything without your love.
Im sorry for running away, instead of running to you.
Im sorry for being selfish and staying lost.
Im sorry for turning everything I ever worked for into nothing.
And thank you for never leaving my side.

wow....

so today I was thinking about Juan.
a baby at the clinic.
I remember when i picked him up, everyone stared laughing at me, and i didnt understand.
they told me that i wouldnt be able to put him down, i still didnt understand.
so i put him down, and he began to cry and scream.
he was so desperate to be in my arms, so i picked him up right away, i could feel his little fingers twisting in my shirt he was so desperate as he clinged to me.
he was so scared and fragile, it was like he needed me.
so today i was thinking why cant we be like that, as christians.
why cant we be so desperate for god, why is that everytime we get pulled away from god we go with the current instead of fighting against it.
why cant we scream and fight and cling to him with all our strength.
I want that, i want to be so desperate for him that i am scared to let go
that i will scream and cry and fight to stay in his arms.
i want to know that i need him that much. I want to feel my arms get sore and my fingernails bleed from the strength that i use to cling to him.

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Yesterday I went to the mall.
and i went to kiosuko, a store.
and i was looking through the shirts and i found one that said
Give God Your BEST, Not Whats LEFT
for some reason i cant forget that. so i began to really think about it.
I used to say...
god i will give all that i have left
but i realized why would he want that? yeah i guess thats better than nothing.
But i truly began to realize that god knows when your broken he knows what you think he knows your every sin. But he also knows your best, even when you are you broken you can always be healed, you can always rebuild therefore you can give your best. You are never permenately broken.
Christians these days are so imperfect and broken, and i guess thats the way they are supposed to be.
i believe a christian is someone that can set an example.
If you look at christians they have all sinned they have all messed up, dating back to when Jesus was alive.

todays christians, well the majority are people who have done drugs, had sex, watched porn, have cut have had some kind of problem.
what makes them christians is the fact that they have gotten up, realized their convictions, said theyre wrong, asked for forgiveness, never looked back and moved on.

everyone is a hypócrite everyone falls down and everyone screws up, but giving your best is learning and setting a example. God seeks that, god seeks your best, not the broken junk thats left behind.

Some of the best christians i know are people who have struggled with things like that, what makes me look up to them is that fact that they know they were wrong, they are not ashamed to talk about it and they set the example of a person who has overcome those problems. A person who loves christ enough to change. A person who has choosen to be pulled out of the ordinary and have become extraordinary.

And yes, you know what they keep messing up but what matters is that they ask forgiveness and learn... even if that means it takes more than two times, the true christians learns and ask for forgiveness and moves on.

So those who say that they dont like christians because they are hypocrites, dont really have a reason. You are hypocrites as well,, you are no more perfect than us. Just because we mess up doesnt make us bad christian. If people who are hypocrites werent allowed to be christians, im pretty sure that christians wouldnt exist.