faith

Some of you may think that I have lost it, that it has weakened.I used to depend on people telling me that they saw faith in me.And it would disappoint me when they would say that it had lessened over something that I was struggling with.I wont lie, I was blinded by my own pain that I didnt realize what was happening to me. My faith wasnt gone but frozen, it could not grow because I needed to learn. I have learned and I can say truthfully that my faith is stronger, maybe not stronger than ever but it is strong and it keeps growing day after day. Faith is not made for people to see, Faith is feeling.And I have never felt faith stronger than now.I took myself from everything I had ever know.I left my home, my friends, my family everything I used to go to for comfort.And I havent felt so whole, I have found something that I can depend on, its not a person but a feeling. I can feel him with me like he is in my soul.My lack of faith turned me into a coward, I ran from everything.So I could escape the pathetic pain I had felt I had no intention of returning.And for what feels like the longest time I have been kicking myself, because the more I ran, I realized the more I focused on my pain. I couldnt pretend anymore. The other day God broke me, he shattered me.I dont think I have ever cried that hard. I had been lost for so long, just going through the motions I had turned into routine. The other day I let my defenses down completely I laid it at his feet. And I as I laid down on the cold tile floor I realized what exactly he feels. Its like I saw my pain through his eyes.I let one simple thing break me, when I had so many things infront of me... so many things so many opportunities. He had offered the world to me and i did not grasp that. But now I can, I dont regret running from my problems because in the end they caught up with me. I needed to take myself out of a situation I knew I could not overcome. Faith is what saved me, the faith that God had in me saved me. He never gave up on me,never and I will never give up on my faith. My faith is what saved me. So really think about what you have faith in, because for a long time I put my faith in things that would only let me down. But God has proved to me that my faith was not wasted, I learned and I grew because of it.So here to those who have lacked faith in me.My faith does not need to be seen, but felt. My faith comes in the words I speak my actions will follow. Dont have faith in me, have trust in me and my faith