wow....

so today I was thinking about Juan.
a baby at the clinic.
I remember when i picked him up, everyone stared laughing at me, and i didnt understand.
they told me that i wouldnt be able to put him down, i still didnt understand.
so i put him down, and he began to cry and scream.
he was so desperate to be in my arms, so i picked him up right away, i could feel his little fingers twisting in my shirt he was so desperate as he clinged to me.
he was so scared and fragile, it was like he needed me.
so today i was thinking why cant we be like that, as christians.
why cant we be so desperate for god, why is that everytime we get pulled away from god we go with the current instead of fighting against it.
why cant we scream and fight and cling to him with all our strength.
I want that, i want to be so desperate for him that i am scared to let go
that i will scream and cry and fight to stay in his arms.
i want to know that i need him that much. I want to feel my arms get sore and my fingernails bleed from the strength that i use to cling to him.

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Yesterday I went to the mall.
and i went to kiosuko, a store.
and i was looking through the shirts and i found one that said
Give God Your BEST, Not Whats LEFT
for some reason i cant forget that. so i began to really think about it.
I used to say...
god i will give all that i have left
but i realized why would he want that? yeah i guess thats better than nothing.
But i truly began to realize that god knows when your broken he knows what you think he knows your every sin. But he also knows your best, even when you are you broken you can always be healed, you can always rebuild therefore you can give your best. You are never permenately broken.
Christians these days are so imperfect and broken, and i guess thats the way they are supposed to be.
i believe a christian is someone that can set an example.
If you look at christians they have all sinned they have all messed up, dating back to when Jesus was alive.

todays christians, well the majority are people who have done drugs, had sex, watched porn, have cut have had some kind of problem.
what makes them christians is the fact that they have gotten up, realized their convictions, said theyre wrong, asked for forgiveness, never looked back and moved on.

everyone is a hypócrite everyone falls down and everyone screws up, but giving your best is learning and setting a example. God seeks that, god seeks your best, not the broken junk thats left behind.

Some of the best christians i know are people who have struggled with things like that, what makes me look up to them is that fact that they know they were wrong, they are not ashamed to talk about it and they set the example of a person who has overcome those problems. A person who loves christ enough to change. A person who has choosen to be pulled out of the ordinary and have become extraordinary.

And yes, you know what they keep messing up but what matters is that they ask forgiveness and learn... even if that means it takes more than two times, the true christians learns and ask for forgiveness and moves on.

So those who say that they dont like christians because they are hypocrites, dont really have a reason. You are hypocrites as well,, you are no more perfect than us. Just because we mess up doesnt make us bad christian. If people who are hypocrites werent allowed to be christians, im pretty sure that christians wouldnt exist.