02/26/09

coming down
coming down
coming down

spinning round
spinning round
spinning round

why is it all coming down?
I built these walls so they could withstand.
the pain that I did not want to brand
in the memory that plays in my head.
in constant replay, when will the silence drown it away.


Why do i stay awake until five in the morning
fearing to shut my eyes, scared it will be the end.
i fear the images i see in my head, scared that my nightmares will be born again.
feeling the emptiness inside, i wish that it would die.


It comes and goes ........... ...........
and when i finally think i have broken through, the foundations i have built crumble and fold.


WHY?

why does my work go to waste?
playing happy so they can see a change...
but inside im dying, oh how i wish i were lying.
the more i try pushing it away, the harder it comes crashing back.
Like an elastic band, it has a painful whiplash.
it constantly leaves me battered bruised and bleeding.

i try, why wont these habits just die.
i try but i can only go so long, until my thirst leaves me in an accident i wish i could reverse.
i cant trust myself anymore, i thought i should let you know.

in a couple of days i will be facing reality, ..... my reality
to face the things i tried to outrun, the feelings that hurt so bad to feel.


Today has been two years since i have felt this way
two years since i have shed these tears
two years since i felt this pain
two years since my heart almost lost its beat
two years since i almost lost my privledge to breath

i cant do anything but keep my strength
even though it falters, my fight will keep going only ending when i cant give anymore
what else can i offer, my life has value
maybe not to the ones that hurt me, including myself
but my life values, if not God would have taken it away.

i cant offer anything else, except for my word that I will try my best.