i have been thinking about relationships

that maybe they reflect ourselves
for example if you are in a really crappy and unhealthy relationship, any kind of relationship.
It reflects yourself, how you live your life and how you care about yourself...
if you live your life by letting someone use you and your body, you obviously dont care enough to stop them, and you clearly think that its okay to live your life that way...

My journey that i started in September has taught me one thing, that in your life the order of your priorities should be this:
1. You
2. You
and last but not least
3. You

for example...

For me my priorities are:
1. ME and MY relationship with God
2. Learning from MY past and MY mistakes.
3. Learning to love people with all MY heart not expecting anything in return.

because at the end of the day its your life and you can choose to sit on your lazy butt and watch life pass taking the easy, unhealthy and unfulfilling path or getting out there and living a happy healthy and unregretable life, not letting ANYTHING hold you back.

I choose to be open with my past, my present and my future because I would rather you know me and make your mind up about me. Yes, I have done some bad things in my life and you may form your opinion on me by what people who think they know me tell you or what goes through the school or church.

My past:
So i did drugs, smoked a couple of packs a day, drank the night away, was in a really unhealthy relationship, protected those who didnt deserve it, lied, cut myself and hurt the people who love me the most, and I didnt really care for religion.

My present:
Im CLEAN, I CHOOSE to be alone, I TELL you if or WHEN I dont like things, I will TRY my hardest not to hurt myself, and I REFUSE to hurt the ones that love me. I have LEARNED who truly cares for me. MY LIFE is based on a RELATIONSHIP with God not a religion. I LET only the people who make me healthy in MY LIFE. I dont CARE who you are or what you do, i wont conform to your rules. I am BLESSED for having the family I have. I am in CONTROL of MY life.


My future:
I will continue to be SOBER, My life will FULFILL Gods plans for me. I will HAVE a strong and HEALTHY relationship with God. I will be HAPPY. I will be CLOSER to my family. I will be PROUD of MYSELF. I wont REGRET my LIFE.


The things that I have once thought impossible have been proved to be distractions to hold me back because I was too tired or I was too scared or it was too hard. Life is what you choose to make of it.

One of the reasons why i came here to South America was to get to know someone, who I have recently come to love alot. This person had an incredibly HARD and ROUGH childhood and has grown living his life in the past. Because he cant get over these things, it has deprived him of a life worth living. He cannot maintain a relationship with his family, with his friends or even with his children. He cant be sober for more than two days and he does not have the capability of loving someone long enough to care for them, and I believe that is because he cannot love himself.

He does not care enough about himself to stay sober, to stop the drugs or at least to stop driving drunk, this man does not value his life.

But he has to have the biggest heart, he is a good man, People love him, He is easily loveable, he values his family and his friends and his children, just not enough to change.

This man has taught me about life... about the way i refuse to live my life.

he has used every excuse in the book to explain to me why he is the way he is. But i am living proof that you can turn the page you can forgive you can move one and you can turn a life that was like a hell on earth a meaningless, loveless useless life into a beautiful, loving and meaningful heaven on earth.

My love for this person will never perish nor lessen I know it will only grown over time, just like my hope for him. My hope that he will overcome this, that he will open his eyes and see them his four children, his family and his friends who care so much for him.


I know that only love can save him, and have learned that I am willing to forgive, I am willing to obey, and I am willing to love unconditionally even though I know it might not be returned...

because , I know I might die never seeing him change, But at least i will have the satisfaction of knowing i tried.